his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
