I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
