Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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