I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
