then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You don't make any sense
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