Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
