I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
