question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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