Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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