Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
