If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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