Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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