You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
