Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
