I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
