people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
