eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
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Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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