like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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