wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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