if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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