I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
