Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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