I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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