Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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