I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
