just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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