coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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