I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
