she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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