"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
