He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
