His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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