Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
