I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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