woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm always down for nudity.
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