I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
