that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
