And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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