If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
