Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize