She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Less talking, more tequila
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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