You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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