And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
