well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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