i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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