the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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