it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
