if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
