just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
