I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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