he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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