There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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