dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
