her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
