There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
