I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
