i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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