you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
