he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
