If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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