if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
