On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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