im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
