no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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