i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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