I can tuck mytits in my pants
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
