paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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