i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
