also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
