I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
