awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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